Working together

Right now we are still researching and thinking of a medium and final form. Although we are both struggling with figuring out what aspects of dreams we should use.
In terms of form I was thinking we should try experimenting with layering photos printed on transparent sheets to create a feel of layered dreams. Bridget, my project partner sent me an image of we could go about using it . She also sent various links to other similar ways of layering photographs.
She also thought we should narrow down into one kind of dream. I found one idea particularly interesting. It isnt simply layered, but layered with texture, as if its almost disappearing. It has a digital feel to it which kind of adds to the feel of the way things work in todays technological world.
But I was thinking more on the lines of seeing how our dreams effect our memories, all of this from the research we have been doing. So for example we have new fresh files of experiences that have come into our heads, and then the next photo is someone segregating it, followed by these little kids trying to put them together and scaring us with nightmares, or someone else taking nice aspects of the day and combining them with old memories and creating dreams and refiling cabinets. Something on those lines. All of this could be represented through photographs. We havent discussed this idea as yet.

Drum sessions

These were the sessions where our faculty, Nicolas would guide us into tis sort of meditation (Dont feel I am capable of 'mediation' as yet there I call it the drum sessions) using a drum. We have had 3 sessions so far and they have all been intense in their own ways.
The first session we were asked to follow the drum beat and go into a tunnel and visualize our ancestors once the beat shifted we were asked to make our return journey, and if we were handed anything we were asked not to accept it. We had been asked to observe our breathing and concentrate for every session so it was the same procedure in the beginning.
Once the drum beat started I somehow imagined a tunnel, there were varying tunnels. It was a lil strange imagining my ancestors, all I had were random pictures that have been hanging around the house. So I imagined these photos with bodies. The tunnels kept changing and I was getting lost with the drumbeat.
When the drumbeat changed was when i realized that I couldn't feel m body anymore. It had gotten really heavy and I could not imagine moving any part of my body. I started freaking out and was still concentrating on the drum beat. Till the beat ended I was focusing on both my body and the beat.
When the beat ended and we were asked to get up at our own pace.
I tried lifting my head but I just could not manage it. I did lift it up but my head fell back and I hit myself. I then had to breathe gain complete control of myself before I got out of this state.
It was almost like I was outside my body. I was very conscious of myself and not my body during the second beat. Like there were two aspects to me.
It was an intense experience.
The next drum session we had to go down a hole and find our animal power. Because we were lying down I found it a little hard to imagine a hole in the ground but I  managed to and I was going down various holes and tunnels and at one point I entered this cave of sorts, every time I let go and listened to the drums while seeing things in my head various images would cross my mind. So when I entered the cave there was a book on a chair and a light. As I walked closer to it I realized it was a ball of light. So I picked it up and was playing with it. Prodding it and bouncing it around, the drum beat changed and I continued walking on instead of coming back, at some point I could make out there was something else walking ahead of me. Either a bear or a rabbit. Every time I tried concentrating on it, it disintegrated.
This time my physical reaction was I could feel my right hand and feet getting numb, my middle finger felt like it was floating and my mouth was opening. But I am pretty sure my hand was on the ground and my mouth was shut. When I woke up I stil felt like my finger was acting strange it just did not feel like mine.
The very last time we had the drum session I was a little lost as we were not given any directions. I floated in and out of concentrating on the drums. There were a few images that finally crossed my mind that I drew to see if it led to anything.
One thing I need to make sure before the next session is figure out what my 'intention' is. It feels like its going to be an extremely tough task though.

From across the globe

The collaborating has just begun, so far me and my partner, Bridget know we are going to head our projects towards the subconscious mind, dreaming and memory. We also do recognize that its a really vast topic. So right now we are just sending each other links and ideas and researching.

She sent me a link to a video which I  found pretty interesting, not sure of its validity but it did strike an idea about how if we dont sleep for a few days together we could then manage to not create any memories for those few days which leave you living in the experiential world. Kind of cementing the idea of living int he moment. This whole idea of living in the experiential world comes from another video that I saw.

When all the digging started.

When we began with our next assignment to look at our families past and see if we could find ourselves contextually with the economic and political situations, I was at a complete loss. I found out I had by far the most boring family. My great grand dads where big in their own ways, one a cop who worked for the british till we got our freedom, one who started his own jewelry business, the very first one in my town. Another was almost treated like a king in Bangalore. Owned lots of land was well known by most of the people, helped the government during draughts and economically once in a while. But nothing big. Nothing that excited me.
So I decided to look at an aspect of my family I felt most strongly about and then trace it backwards. One thing about my family that stood out for me was how they have instilled this repulsion against gold in me. For the past three generations both sides of my family have dealt with gold. The result of it on me being that I  can't stand gold. Its not too bad but in general I keep my distance from it. My father is pretty disappointed to not get my feed back on the new gold jewelry designs.
So when I dug around a little more I found out one of my grand uncles used to smuggle gold. Now this information is a family secret of sorts, something they aren't particularly proud of. But to me I had hit jackpot. An adventurous story about my family, where someone decided to do something risky. (They aren't happy that I decided to talk about the whole 'incident' in the first place, I couldn't resist myself though) But unfortunately it menat no one int he family was willing to give me details about the whole smuggling deal.
So what I decided to do was find a way to represent it metaphorically. and my final piece was a frame where I tried pulling out the interesting aspects of the gold, from the gold that already exist in my life.

I added a sound clip to it as it wasn't dynamic enough.
I wasn't too satisfied with this project, it kinda felt forced in many ways... Even after reflecting I am not sure why I had an issue while working with this project.  

What movies can do

The interesting thing about both the movies was to see how they trace back memories of a deceased person. By interviewing people one cold get a sense of various perspectives filling in the persons character but also contradicting memories, which makes one question the validity of peoples memories. Also the magnitude of belief about each persons perspective was another thing I keep thinking about?
Makes me question how often what I am thinking, is what it actually is, me being sure of it just does not seem sufficient enough anymore. On one hand this makes me take life a little more easily but at the same time it is slightly scary.

In retrospect as I think of these movies I think of how each of them have made me think of various aspects, like the relevance of 'rosebud' in the movie of Citizen Kane made me think of how little things in our lives can have an effect on us much later in life in much stronger ways than we expect. It also reminded me of george Eliots 'Mill on the floss' where maggie the protagonists life is very influenced by all the incidents that happened to her as a child. It also seems like the easiest place for me to draw inspiration from.

I found ti amusing how I automatically referred my life to most aspects in both of the movies. For example in 'El diablo nunca duerme' I realized how its so common for every family to have a mystery thats unsolved and if traced could lead to a very big story. A dead person may not be the only reason for one to feel a sense of mystery in their family. I guess everything comes back to what frame you look at any aspect of life through. That realization gave me a convenient starting point for ideation.

What readings do

In the reading 'Camera Lucidia' the idea of 'Punctum' really stood out for me. To be able to find something or to be aware of something puncturing your feelings just because of its existence is something that I realized I have always vaguely felt but the importance of recognizing it came to me only after our discussions on the reading.

Against Interpretations essence of not looking at what something could mean but 'feeling' the art seems like something the world really needs to be reminded of, also something I needed to be reminded about. I tried doing so when it came to dealing with memories and representing them to people. I wanted them to 'feel' what it was like to need to belong to a group, to 'feel' the million journeys they have made. It reminds me of a little bubble that extends out to people who look at a piece of work ad get enveloped by it, feel it hugging them as they observe it and before they try explaining it and understanding it for themselves. 

While visiting

 The artist whose work was up at the time I visited NGMA had a style that was a mix between Picasso and a general modern sense of sketching. There wasn't any particular piece that stood out to me. Sometimes I think I am just meant to design things which have a concept not just sketches art that need to be 'understood but when I think back to what we are doing in memory lab I guess it is art. And once again I wonder about the difference between art and design. 

Anyway the sculptures were pretty intriguing. He had managed to take the essence of the object he was making a sculpture of and abstract it. Sometimes he was trying to capture the movement, sometimes the energy, and although one couldn't make out at first glance what it was meant to the title makes a difference in figuring out the sculpture. A sculpture of a dog caught my attention, the funny thing about the sculpture was that the dog that resembled a fire hydrant.

The other thing that caught my attention were little sketches that seemed to be made during a stage of ideating. It had enough deatil to make out what it was and only the important aspect was highlighted in its own way. Unfortunately I couldn't take photos in the museum. Those tiny sketches are something I hope to do with my work. Like little thumbnails.

In the beginning

This project began a little vaguely for me.

For our first week when we had to come to class with a memory that we shared with our family and represent it in some way.

I picked a memory where my parents my brother and I had visited a beach during Diwali. I have always been scared of sharks, and as we went further into the water I was scared of being attacked by sharks. Suddenly as we were fooling around we felt cold water at our feet. My mother was extremely paranoid and thought the world was going to end. My father on the other hand told us that it must have been the sharks peeing that is cold, so that I would freak out. Strangely enough this memory stood out cause it was one of the most random conversations I had had with my family. It was Diwali (A festival) and we had visited a beach and went pretty far inside the water,  was afraid of sharks which the three of them were laughing about. Suddenly the water below our knees got really cold, it was strange to have half the water warm and the other cold. We started making up stories about what it could be. While my mother thought the world was ending, my father was trying to scare me by saying it was sharks pee that was making the bottom half extremely cold. 

Our next assignment was to desegregate a memory. But all I came up with was a poem and a different memory.

 I had found it a little hard to think of memories being represented in terms of my family. So the new memory was a journey from a school trip in Rajasthan back to school. I was looking out of a window in the train and missing my previous school while the rest of my friends sang a song from their previous years. At that moment a friend of mine called out to me and dedicated what they were singing to me. It was one of those moments where I felt included in a group. It was enough to make me feel loved for the rest of my time with them.

I still had not managed to 'desegregate' my memory, and it had to be done for the first exhibiton.It was made easier for us by asking us to bring an object to class that the memory can be expressed through.

At that moment two objects came to mind; a window representing the train window itself but also the idea of looking outside my life and seeing things pass by, and a toy train representative of my journey and my countless other journeys and transissions.
Finally I had a window with a toy train behind it going around in circles and the poem read out loud by me. My concept note helped explaining the idea ;'It's a memory where every representation of it, has symbols that mean something to my life on a larger level. 
A window I looked out of from a train, a window that feels like me looking at my life for the past 7 years, a train journey that made me feel belonged, the countless journeys I have made. They are layers that say much more, than I had intended too. ' .